Vunerable

Happy Sabbath to All!!! I am sitting here feeling very venerable. I feel so sad. Why I am not really sure. But I am. I am sitting here and my mind is just running. About everything. Today I feel alone. I can be in the crowd of 5 million and can still be alone. Sometimes I don't even feel God is with me. That is when I am really feeling down. I had such great expectations for today but they have been overshadowed by fear and confusion. I have been in this place before. I really and truly don't understand why I feel this way. As I am sitting here writing this I feel like I just want to cry. Last night church was really good. My little brother gave a word truly from God. I am so thankful for that. Last night I went and put Jaala in the bed and pray with her. Before I actually started praying for her she said, "Can you put the oil in my hands?" I was like wow!! God I thank you. I asked her to give God thanks for something(pray)! She said Lord I thank you for my life & my family! I thank God for my healing my body. It was a few other things but that was the most important thing. I began to pray for her and I prayed for her eczema. God had spoken to me months ago. "If I can heal leprosy do you think that I can't heal eczema?" I was like ok God I hear you and believe you. I began to cry. I began to speak over her as if I was not going to be here tomorrow. I began to speak into her life about prayer. I began to speak into her life about know God for yourself. When I finished praying she said "Daddy why are you crying?" I said to her because I believe God for your healing and I know that God is going to heal your body and mostly that I trust God. I woke up this morning not sad, depressed, angry or thankful I just woke up. I began to think about all of the hurt that I have in my life. I began to think of all kind of unsettled issues. I began to talk to God. I just want to feel free this morning, I want to be free to be who god has called me to be. I know this is a distraction that I may not fulfil purpose today. I am trying to get these thoughts out so I can be free. I am not lingering in the hurt like I would really want to. I could lay in the bed and cry all day. I can sit here and think of all the things that I don't have. But and few months ago God began to deal with me about my focus. God began to "see Me in every situation". Today I see job in spite of my flesh (that is hurting like crazy) I can see this is a place God wants me to be so He can deal with me. So I am going to decree and declare some things right now!

*I decree that I am the healed of the Lord
*I declare I am the righteousness of God
*I decree a great blessing from God today
*I declare God is going to touch my finances
*I declare the blessings of God this morning
*I decree peace in my life
*I decree understanding in my life
*I declare my hurt and pain in God and now filled with the love of God.
*I decree a Word today from only you God.
*I declare the unexpected


Now I am going to say to God. TAKE THIS AWAY FROM ME! GOD YOU KNOW THIS THING THAT PLAGUES MY HEART MY MIND AND MY BODY!!! I NEED YOU TO DO THIS TODAY!! I CANT MAKE IT WOULD IT!!! THIS IS MY CRY FOR HELP!!! GOD I THANK YOU AND PRAISE YOU IN ADVANCE FOR IT ALL!!!!!